Pickup Lines

  • Get yer coat, you've pulled!!
  • I'm gonna have sex with you tonight, so you might as well be there.
  • Let's get something straight between us!
  • Do you want to see something swell?
  • I'm sorry I'm an artist and it's my job to stare at beautiful women.
  • Is it hot in here or is it just you?
  • Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
  • Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
  • Did you know that your body's 90% water? And I'm soooo thirsty.
  • I lost my phone number can I borrow yours?
  • You know what I like about you? My arms.
  • Will you marry me and have my children? [unfortunate side-effects: beware!]
  • Bond. James Bond.
  • Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
  • Your face or MINE!?
  • Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
  • I have cable TV
  • I'd look good on you.
  • I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
  • Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
  • I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
  • Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
  • I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? No. Well would you like some?
  • Screw me if I am wrong but you want to fuck me don't you?
  • If I gave you a negligee for my birthday, would there be anything in it for me?
  • Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
  • Look at you with all those curves and me with no breaks
  • Pardon me miss, but I couldn't help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
  • Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
  • Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
  • Inheriting eighty million pounds doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
  • Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?
  • Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but rest assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do everything possible to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing time.
  • Hi! Can I buy you a Car?
  • I'm not feeling myself tonight. Can I feel you?
  • You've got the whitest teeth I've ever 'come' across.....
  • Your place or the men's room.
  • No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for £50?
  • Wanna go halves in a bastard?
  • I'll bet you £5 I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds

There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure:

Wha'dya say to a little fuck?
Hello, little fuck.

Follow these instructions:

  1. Make sure that you are in front of the person you are trying to attract.
  2. Put your hands in a vertical plane and separate your hands about shoulder width apart.
  3. Look at the person of your affections with an ear to ear grin. Nod your head up and down as if to reply that you're this big.
Holding up two fingers ask:
Why do women prefer these two fingers to masturbate with?
Because they're mine
I[not] had a friend who use to hand out phone cards that said: Smile is you want to sleep with me, and watch them try to hold back their laugh.
M: You remind me of my first wife!
W: Oh, really?
M: Yeah, and I'm not even married yet!
Motion girl to come closer with your finger then say:
If I can make you come with just one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole body...;
Lick your finger and wipe it on the girls dress. then say:
Now lets get you out of these wet clothes
M: Would you like to dance?
W: No.
M: I'm sorry, you misheard me. I said your butt's the size of France.